You also think in 3 years a lot has changed.
Honestly, a lot has changed.
I currently do not have a job or gaining further education or a lot of things actually.
The last thing I mentioned was my Gallbladder giving me grief and the fact I attend Blacktown TAFE along with my boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend.
After much rambling on tumblr about how unfair everything was and how I descended into my own madness, I think now is the time to sit everything in front of me here and figure out what could be the major cause of my distress from the last 3 years that I deemed this blog unworthy of my attention.
The last note of 2011, was my Gallbladder.
From that time onwards, I was in and out of hospital with it and it was not until November that it was removed and I came through with little to no problems. That was the least of my problem, I woke up alone terrified and in pain, no one was there and it was probably when I started to feel depressed and unable to cope being in a relationship with not just my bf at the time but my friends, who I thought would give me the time of day but no, I was alone till late that night.
That December I went to Tasmania, my brother was still as horrid as I last recall but with the constant communication with a friend, lets call him Scar, it was the beginning of a big event that really shock my world.
I return home on New Years Eve and spent it with friends as well as my ex but I did not realise how shakey things were and how distant everyone was to me. I was happy to be home and among familiar faces. Little did I know, 7 days later, my relationship ended and I was numb, I couldn't cry or even talk about it and then my friends blamed me for it and protected my ex, saying I deserved it. Maybe I did but then, after months of trying to fix things, they all left me and that occurred by mid 2012. Sometime during the Break up area, I had journeyed to Melbourne with those very friends, it was fun but not as much fun as the second time I went. At the beginning of the year, I enrolled into UWS Bankstown with one of my current friend, as a way to forget the pain, it worked at first but it too became a source of my pain by end of 2013.
During 2013, I was crippled by lose still, but I decided to go to Melbourne for PAX and it was worth it and I had fun, I really liked Melbourne. I do wish to go there, since Sydney is slowly becoming a poison with few places to escape. I went to Dracula's like I always wanted and I felt more alive then too but then later that year, another event occurred with my friends and caused a fallout with me being the catalyst cause I couldn't keep silent while one of my friends suffered due to the selfishness of another friend. I am still friends with both people, I just don't get to see one often.
During the ending of an old friendship caused by Scar spreading slander about me to my friends, I made a new friend, lets call him Aria. He was a cunt, from beginning to end. He cleared up and seemed good in the middle but once an asshole is always an asshole. He allowed me to explore a side I kept deep down out of fear and it was all he ever gave me. Besides, emotionally fucking with me and eventual ruination of my home life after offering to take me in but in the end we grew distant due to my severe depression. I do have good memories of Uni, where I was apart of the Anime Club and later the Gamer Club, where I made some good friends I still have now. Heck, through Aria, I made a friend called Janiel and we still chat to this day. A year ago, I would have said I loved Aria dearly but love only goes so far in betrayal. I miss the good times but glad to be free of Aria.
When the issues between me and Aria were occurring, I made another friend, they are pretty amazing actually. I dunno if I want to share more details but I am glad to be friends with them.
If you asked me if I was happy now, I would say no.
I am still inflicted with my issues but I could admit, I am closer to being happy.
I have a few very close friends that mean the world to me and have certainly helped me from offing myself. I still play Video Games and is much closer to acquiring a Wii U and Vita. I am also attending an Expo and even going to Cosplay as Wolf from Payday 2 with a few of those friends.
I still code, but for fun and not work or education. I still create things. I will mention my trip to Soundwave but on the next post.
What else? hmmm, well, besides being issue ridden, having family issues (will post later) and other crap which will post later. I think I am slowly seeing a light I thought was long gone.
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